Sexless Marriage

How to avoid unhappiness in your marriage

“The last time I had sex with my wife was 27 years ago. My last child is 27. I am miserable!”

“My husband permitted me to have a boyfriend. I did not have sex with him for 11 years. Now, I am so happy with my new boyfriend. We have sex on Sundays.”

Food nourishes our body, keeps us healthy and alive.

How long can we stay without food and water? 1–3 days when I am praying and fasting.

How about you? How long can you stay without food?

Sex is the engine of a healthy marriage. A joyful marriage is hard work and commitment. Second, we know marriage cannot give us happiness, but the more sex couples have, the happier they are.

A short middle-aged man with a tailored navy suit once approached me in a wholesale store. ( I have this encounter often with seniors and older men. I make a living listening to people)

Man: I want to talk to you. (With an accent differs from mine)

Me: OK

My thought: This man can be a future high paying client.

He talked for about ten minutes. The man is a 59-year-old CEO of a company he founded 30 years ago. He lives with his wife of 35 years. They have three adults, children, 27, 30, and 33. Robert is an immigrant who came to the US “with nothing.”

Robert: (the man continues) I am looking for a decent woman for a girlfriend. I haven’t had sex for 27 years. My wife doesn’t want sex and refuses marriage counseling. I don’t want to break my family. Divorce is unacceptable in my culture, but I am frustrated. I want a girlfriend — !

Is there any value in vulnerability? Brown

Wow! It is unbelievable for a couple to live together for such a long time without sex. What do you think?

How can it be possible for 27 years?

Robert reports that they live in the same house and do things together — attend weddings, often travel to their home country, celebrate holidays, and other family functions.

Sexless marriages are common because many partners do not view sex as a necessity. And it’s prevalent in both new and old marriages.

Think of sex like food. Learn about it as if you are taking continuing education classes to maintain your professional license. Practice it as if you are practicing the piano or golf.


Think of sex in your marriage as you think of your favorite breakfast. How? Select your ingredients — review your physical, emotional, and mental needs. Ask and receive help from your partner and offer a helping hand too. Reflect on your sexual preference and which envelope you want to push. Examine your feelings.

Couples are likely to engage in sex when they honestly share thoughts, feelings, and offer and ask for help.


Sex discussion is taboo in many cultures and religions. Many working adults know a little about their body parts.

The above students did not understand their parents engage in sex under their roof. I think these students did not have proper sex education from their parents. Or, their parents choose not to educate them on their body parts and sex.

Where did we get our first sex education? And from who? If we did not properly learn the function of our sex organs from our parents, we could discover it today.

Study your body and ask questions about how it works. Listen and take care of your needs and free your partner to do the same.

Learn the rules of the game. Tune to the technique that works for you and your partner. Get to know yourself, and importantly, what works for you.

What works for me may not work for you. Pay attention to your body, mind, and soul. Put more effort into keeping your body, thoughts, and feelings healthy.

Practice, Practice, Practice.

Practice and engage in sex? Do you have any living or professional skills? ‘Perfect practice makes perfect.’ Mine can be weekly, yours once a month, and my next-door neighbor daily. No one size fits all. Keep your brain active by reading, puzzling, and others. Keep your vagina or penis busy in your marriage.

Create the happiness you desire in your relationship by being romantic and patient with your partner. Think, study, and practice sex.

Seek help as needed.

Help yourself grow. Choose a joyful life.


Written by

LMSW🧠Social Worker* Lifestyle Consultant* Health/Recovery Coach* I enjoy putting things together• I write stories that help you grow @bybassey.

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