New Season to Thrive

How to turn your heartbreak into blessings

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Photo by Zachary Spears on Unsplash

Failure or suffering!

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt helpless, hopeless, used, unwanted, or abused? Can anything good come out of such a terrible situation?

Death, Divorced, Cancer, Child Abuse, or COVID-19!

Grieve in your own way, be hopeful, believe in yourself, ask for help, and learn a lesson.

Hear the voice of Brooklyn, a single mother of 4 young children. She shares her story:

Thank you again and again to my ex-husband, ‘Peter’ of 8 years.

Today, I own a successful PR firm and have a fabulous life, thanks to Peter. I thank him from the bottom of the heart. Without him, I’d not be running a successful company and have a beautiful life.

It is as if it was yesterday. I had less than $300 in my bank account and four children under 5. I was a stay-at-home mom without any personal income. That was 2014 (The year George Clooney married Amal, a British Attorney).

Now I own a business with 76 employees and three business sites, as well as healthy children, and a beautiful life.

I left my job after our second child and was a stay-at-home mom caring for our children. Within eight years of marriage, we had four children under five years old.

Peter’s income was massive, and money was not a problem. But he prefers not to spend extra money on himself, wife, or children. He believes in real necessity — food, shelter, and a top-notch education. Yes, I believe in a top-notch education too. We argued about the money we have in abundance because he chooses not to enjoy himself.

He always warned me, “I work hard for my money, and I get to decide how every penny is spent” I felt like a child and was helpless when I heard those words. He was verbally and financially abusive, and I was so embarrassed to tell anyone, including my best friends or family.

The last final straw came the night I was feeding my 9-month-old baby. Peter was watching the evening news on the TV and turned to me and announced, “George Clooney married a woman who makes good money, and she can spend it as she wants.” He was talking to me and shaming me for caring for his four children for free. Right there, I emotionally divorced him after he finished speaking. That was August 2014

The following morning, I started my exit planning. I called my two best friends and told them the truth. They were stunned with my story but believed me. One wired money for an apartment deposit. One borrowed money for me to buy bedroom furniture for my children. I spoke with and hired a divorce lawyer. My three brothers wanted me to get a lawyer who would clean Peter out. I said, No. I have his four children and will stick with the one I hired.

I get connected with old friends, clients, colleagues, and sought career advice from a counselor at a local community college. I decided on opening a public relations business, which was my background. I had two goals — make decent money and have a little time to care for my four children. My younger brother and his wife paid for my nanny for six months. Thanks again, Alissa and John.

Early in the morning on January 01, 2015, I woke Peter up and told him the truth, and I moved out at 9 am that same day. He was floored, and so were his friends and family.

Everyone knows him as a nice guy. True, he is a nice guy, humble, and generous to his family, friends, and strangers, but not his wife. Peter is ‘a small man’ with insecurities holding him hostage. I am glad I divorced him and freed myself and my children from his misery.

One thing will never change, Peter is the father of my four children, and I left it there!

I felt so relieved and sad at the same time. I left the house I helped built. My children and personal belongings were what I took out of the house. I did not take any other things which friends and relatives found unfair.

I was angry, and I felt cheated but empowered. Also, I was excited to leave everything and a lousy memory behind. The money and things that bear both of our names were disgusting and useless.

Peter willingly pays for his children’s lifestyle, which he used to complain about.

Now, after five years, I am making more money, gained self-respect, and help others. There are no more arguments about Peter’s money. I work very hard and enjoy my life. More importantly, I am helping other women in an abusive relationship find a better experience.

Always do good to your friends and family because you’ll need them in times of trouble. My friends and family provided financial and emotional support all the way. They did not question me or force me to take their advice, but they listened and followed my guidance.

What I went through with Peter is still like a dream. I cannot believe I was abused by a man. I am outspoken, well educated, and was brought up with three brothers and a feminist mother and a good father. But I suffered silently in marriage. My work with women shows, finance is the number one thing that kept them in abusive relationships. It almost kept me there too.

Never lose yourself or your life for your partner’s insecurities. It’s better to start over again than to destroy your self-worth with an abusive spouse. Seek help, and there is someone out there who can help you and your children. I am helping many women in my former situation. Share this, please!

COVID-19 brought a loss of many lives, jobs, businesses, and relationships. Keep hope alive, and ask for help if you are in danger. It is never a weakness to ask for and receive assistance!

Need help, call NYS hotline, 1800–942–6906

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Photo by Tomas Sobek on Unsplash

Help yourself grow


Written by

LMSW🧠Social Worker* Lifestyle Consultant* Health/Recovery Coach* I enjoy putting things together• I write stories that help you grow @bybassey.

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